balance

hi there.  i know it's been a while.  i doubt there is anyone left around my little blog part of this world, but i figured i'd give it another go.

the boys are a-ma-zing and are growing way too fast!  i have so much to update on, but for now, i need to vent.

to say things have been busy the last (almost) 9 months would be putting it lightly.  i'm barely keeping my head above water and i'm so disappointed in myself.  this blog, is just the tiniest piece of my life i'm disappointed in.

going from one child to two has been sunshine and roses, a piece of cake, the.hardest.thing.i've.ever.done.  don't get me wrong, i am all too aware of the gift i've been given, and although it's been difficult to say the least, i will never once feel bad for myself.  i do have the easiest child and baby (in my world anyway), but every morning i wake up and every night i go to bed feeling like the biggest failure in the world.

balance.  it's all about balance people.  and i'm still trying to find it after 9 months.

just when i thought i had some semblance of balance, maternity leave was over and i added work into the mix of the already crazy daily schedule.  then, just when we were rocking and rolling in our summer schedule, school rolled around again and we added a second daycare drop/pickup in the day and a bus schedule.  throw in soccer practice and games, choir practice (for daddy and tony) and my head spins.

there is so much to do and not enough hours in the day to do it.  well, i think there actually are, but then that leaves little to no time to sleep, and unfortunately i am one of those people (unlike my mother) who actually requires sleep to function.  so at the end of the night, after the kids have been fed (sometime john and myself as well - woot!), homework's been done, books have been read and the boys are tucked in, i collapse.  our dvr is going to implode before we actually watch any of the shows we record.  it's all john and i can do to actually hold a half hour conversation with each other about our days before we pass out.  i know this is the time when i should be doing laundry, picking up bulldozing the chaos around my house, but i can't.  the exhaustion just wins out.  i've become selective with the jobs i've taken on for my side business because of the lack of time, and i'm not able to enjoy this like i have in the past.

i'm falling off my chair.  i need to find some balance.

separately i know i can be the perfect mom, wife, employee, daughter, sister, and friend, but together, right now, i feel like i'm failing at them all.  i've tried writing down our schedule (on various forms of calendars/tablets/electronic devices) and i just become overwhelmed when i look at it all, so then i give up.

again, i doubt anyone's around to even read this, but if you are, and you have any advice you can offer me (even the stay at home mom's might have something that would work for working parents too)...my ears are open and i'm ready to be a sponge and soak in your fabulous ideas on finding balance.  i understand that what works for some families may not be right for ours, but at this point i'm willing to give anything a shot to find out if it might work for us!


the key to keeping your balance is knowing when you've lost it. | anonymous